As I'm sure most of you will know, if you're British anyway, it has been A level results day today. No one who is normal doesn't get scared and nervous as the date approaches. We did our exams what seems like ages ago and we've now been off college for what seems like a life time. It's strange to think that results day and our enrolment for year 13 is closer to actually starting year 13 than it is finishing year 12, which is just stupid.
As I was saying, results day is never easy. At GCSEs you may start doubting yourself as it begins to creep around the corner but then all your worries are taken away when you actually get your results. At GCSE, if you worked hard enough for it, you will most likely get what you wanted so all ends well. A levels seem to be a completely different story. They. Are. A. Load. Of. Shit. Seriously, I worked my ass off this year. Ok yes I completed my entire double BTEC at distinction level which means if I continue at that standard in the second year, I can potentially come out with a Distinction*, equivalent to two A* at A level. Obviously that is a BTEC so they aren't often considered the same as actual A levels. I do take another 3 A levels on top of that, so I am really doing the equivalent of 5 subjects, more than the average student. However, I am not the only one I know who has come out with disappointing results. I am expected an A. I'm not going to tell you what I got but it annoys me enough to have to think about it, no matter write it out. I suppose I didn't do so bad, I passed everything, but in the end I didn't get the result I wanted. What annoys me more than anything is that it means I am going to have to resit 4 things of which I don't want to have to do. Year 13 is going to be stressful enough without the extra work, and yet I already have my EPQ which I have decided I want to do. To get into the university I want to go to (I have other choices but you've got to aim for the highest I guess) I need AAB and so far it isn't looking like I am going to be going to university, or at least not that one. It is really quite sad really because now if we tell anyone what we've got they'll probably think we just did badly or didn't work hard enough and yet the majority of us can prove that completely incorrect. Honestly, I put it down to shitty government changing everything, making exams harder and marking harsher. Not really fair on us because then they expect us to try and get a job with fails. And they wonder why the unemployment levels are so high all the time.
What upsets and pisses me off the most is when, because you've got whatever grades you got, someone always has to say "Well, maybe because of the results you got, you should think about what path you really should be going down." and other shit like that. Myself, I know exactly where I'm going and what I want to do. I have always been one of those sort of people. If anything tries to get in my way then I try my best to ignore it and look forward to succeeding in my dreams and aspirations. It has always been one of the most important things in my life. To actually do what I want to do with my life. You can possibly imagine how hard it is for someone like me to be told that I should think about the path I'm taking and especially by some so close to me. I hate that.
Yes, I was annoyed and really disappointed with my results. Yes, I cried a little this morning, but honestly I've actually had a great day. My boyfriend has just got back from two and a half weeks in South Africa and, especially since I've hardly done anything worth being excited for, I was really excited to see him again today. Well, who wouldn't be excited to see their boyfriend after having very little contact for nearly three weeks. I did miss him like crazy and he knows that. I'm not going to go all soppy as such but honestly being with him again all day today made me forget about everything. I was just utterly happy. We spent the day out catching up, laughing pretty much all the time and then went to see Guardians of the Galaxy late afternoon, which was amazing might I add. I really enjoyed myself and it just shows that if you do really love someone, that person can literally make you feel like the happiest person in the world. I definitely felt that today. Until I got in the car on the way home and I practically haven't stopped crying since. No, it's not because I'm already having withdrawal symptoms from being away from my boyfriend, although if he was with me it would probably make thing a whole lot better. I had that 'thing' said to me multiple times. In the car, as soon as we got home, not so long after that, etc. I really did ruin my day and I haven't felt any better all night. Instead, I now have puffy eyes, a killing headache and I feel sick. Not good. Other than the results in the morning, today had been probably the best day of my summer holidays I enjoyed it that much. So, you can see why I am now feeling so shit that that was ruined. UGH.
I'm sorry I had to rant about that on here, but I've been trying to find a way to calm down all night. I would love to read my book, but I kept crying and couldn't see very well. I wanted to relax and watch telly, I have a horrible headache. I tried to do some work, but both of these problems stopped me. Until my boyfriend went to bed (he's been really tired after a long day out and jet lag) I was speaking to him but after that I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. I managed to play on my Nintendo DS for a short while but it still hurt. Then I remembered the one thing that helped me get through so much shit during high school: writing. I have a script that I've been writing so I have managed to do a tiny bit of that in between writing this. Overall, I just wanted to express myself to get it out of my system. I do feel much better now I guess. Probably going to be moody as shit in the morning, that's if I can open my eye with how puffed up they are. Take it easy I suppose. Do some EPQ work to take my mind of things. Write more of that script (which is actually for my EPQ) so at least I writing and getting things done at the same time. Thank God I've not got volunteering or actual paid work tomorrow. Need to chill out. Read some more. I've been thinking of making myself a little dance routine that I could use as a work out too so I might so that if I'm feeling better. Can't wait to go back to college now to be honest. This summer holidays has been way too long.
Actually want to blog some more soon so keep looking out for more stuff :D
- KC xx