Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Why People Annoy Me - Part 1 (Ice Bucket Challenge)

20:52:00 0
Yellow there!

          'Why People Annoy Me' is going to be a new thing I do on this blog simply about why people annoy me. It may turn into a bit of a rant, so be warned. Obviously, like any other post I do, I will start with a small topic then just continue with a load of utter rubbish. So here goes for Part 1 of Why People Annoy Me.

Topic: Ice Bucket Challenge

          By now we've all heard of the Ice Bucket Challenge. Celebrities, friends, families, random strangers and everyone else seems to be taking part in this 'new' phenomenon that is pouring a bucket of icy cold water over your head instead of donating money to charity. Luckily, nice people around the world began doing the challenge, nominating others to do it, then donating money as well. This both raises money and awareness for the charity. The charity being the ALS Association.
          You may be wondering why I'm using the Ice Bucket Challenge as a topic in 'Why People Annoy Me', well let me tell you. Over the past the few months there have been a few nomination phases that have gone round. Some being a good way to raise awareness and money, others have been extremely stupid and reckless. What annoys me is that the majority of people are doing it out of peer pressure or honestly just for fun or attention. Really people should be doing it for the purpose of raising awareness. Yes, it is just a bit of fun but that bit of fun is helping thousands, if not millions around the world. The money raised is being used by some of the top scientists everywhere to do research into the disease that very few people know about.

What is ALS? Well, ALS Association (http://www.alsa.org/about-als/what-is-als.html) say:

'Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), often referred to as "Lou Gehrig's Disease," is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. Motor neurons reach from the brain to the spinal cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body. The progressive degeneration of the motor neurons in ALS eventually leads to their death. When the motor neurons die, the ability of the brain to initiate and control muscle movement is lost. With voluntary muscle action progressively affected, patients in the later stages of the disease may become totally paralyzed.
A-myo-trophic comes from the Greek language. "A" means no or negative. "Myo" refers to muscle, and "Trophic" means nourishment–"No muscle nourishment." When a muscle has no nourishment, it "atrophies" or wastes away. "Lateral" identifies the areas in a person's spinal cord where portions of the nerve cells that signal and control the muscles are located. As this area degenerates it leads to scarring or hardening ("sclerosis") in the region.

As motor neurons degenerate, they can no longer send impulses to the muscle fibers that normally result in muscle movement. Early symptoms of ALS often include increasing muscle weakness, especially involving the arms and legs, speech, swallowing or breathing. When muscles no longer receive the messages from the motor neurons that they require to function, the muscles begin to atrophy (become smaller). Limbs begin to look "thinner" as muscle tissue atrophies.'

          Basically, if you couldn't be bothered to read all that, ALS, also more commonly know as Motor Neuron Disease in the UK, is a disease in which effects the motor neurons inside the body of the persons it basically attacks. These motor neurons reach from the brain to the spinal cord then from the spinal cord to all the muscles. Motor neurons are very important and this disease causes the degeneration of them over time to eventually cause the to die essentially leaving the body to be incredibly weak. Horrifically it is just a slow death. Not nice at all.
          The money raised, not just from the Ice Bucket Challenge but from each and every donation to the cause, will be used to get equipment, resources, and anything needed to do as much research as possible into the disease in hopes to someday find a way of slowing it down, preventing it and curing it all together. The money is needed. So if you've been nominated make sure you remember what the cause is and donate. As Tesco says, every little helps!

          Thank you for reading this if you have. I'm sure some of you will appreciate how much this Ice Bucket Challenge has actually helped or will help. Obviously the cure won't be found straight away but in the meantime all we've got to do is donate and be hopeful. If you haven't seen my Ice Bucket Challenge yet then I will leave the link at the end. I donated £10.


Text ICED55 and the amount (eg. £5) to 70070

Go, enjoy yourself and pour those buckets over your heads!

- KC xx


Friday, 15 August 2014

Crappy Results

00:05:00 0
Hello everyone,
          As I'm sure most of you will know, if you're British anyway, it has been A level results day today. No one who is normal doesn't get scared and nervous as the date approaches. We did our exams what seems like ages ago and we've now been off college for what seems like a life time. It's strange to think that results day and our enrolment for year 13 is closer to actually starting year 13 than it is finishing year 12, which is just stupid.
         As I was saying, results day is never easy. At GCSEs you may start doubting yourself as it begins to creep around the corner but then all your worries are taken away when you actually get your results. At GCSE, if you worked hard enough for it, you will most likely get what you wanted so all ends well. A levels seem to be a completely different story. They. Are. A. Load. Of. Shit. Seriously, I worked my ass off this year. Ok yes I completed my entire double BTEC at distinction level which means if I continue at that standard in the second year, I can potentially come out with a Distinction*, equivalent to two A* at A level. Obviously that is a BTEC so they aren't often considered the same as actual A levels. I do take another 3 A levels on top of that, so I am really doing the equivalent of 5 subjects, more than the average student. However, I am not the only one I know who has come out with disappointing results. I am expected an A. I'm not going to tell you what I got but it annoys me enough to have to think about it, no matter write it out. I suppose I didn't do so bad, I passed everything, but in the end I didn't get the result I wanted. What annoys me more than anything is that it means I am going to have to resit 4 things of which I don't want to have to do. Year 13 is going to be stressful enough without the extra work, and yet I already have my EPQ which I have decided I want to do. To get into the university I want to go to (I have other choices but you've got to aim for the highest I guess) I need AAB and so far it isn't looking like I am going to be going to university, or at least not that one. It is really quite sad really because now if we tell anyone what we've got they'll probably think we just did badly or didn't work hard enough and yet the majority of us can prove that completely incorrect. Honestly, I put it down to shitty government changing everything, making exams harder and marking harsher. Not really fair on us because then they expect us to try and get a job with fails. And they wonder why the unemployment levels are so high all the time.
          What upsets and pisses me off the most is when, because you've got whatever grades you got, someone always has to say "Well, maybe because of the results you got, you should think about what path you really should be going down." and other shit like that. Myself, I know exactly where I'm going and what I want to do. I have always been one of those sort of people. If anything tries to get in my way then I try my best to ignore it and look forward to succeeding in my dreams and aspirations. It has always been one of the most important things in my life. To actually do what I want to do with my life. You can possibly imagine how hard it is for someone like me to be told that I should think about the path I'm taking and especially by some so close to me. I hate that.
          Yes, I was annoyed and really disappointed with my results. Yes, I cried a little this morning, but honestly I've actually had a great day. My boyfriend has just got back from two and a half weeks in South Africa and, especially since I've hardly done anything worth being excited for, I was really excited to see him again today. Well, who wouldn't be excited to see their boyfriend after having very little contact for nearly three weeks. I did miss him like crazy and he knows that. I'm not going to go all soppy as such but honestly being with him again all day today made me forget about everything. I was just utterly happy. We spent the day out catching up, laughing pretty much all the time and then went to see Guardians of the Galaxy late afternoon, which was amazing might I add. I really enjoyed myself and it just shows that if you do really love someone, that person can literally make you feel like the happiest person in the world. I definitely felt that today. Until I got in the car on the way home and I practically haven't stopped crying since. No, it's not because I'm already having withdrawal symptoms from being away from my boyfriend, although if he was with me it would probably make thing a whole lot better. I had that 'thing' said to me multiple times. In the car, as soon as we got home, not so long after that, etc. I really did ruin my day and I haven't felt any better all night. Instead, I now have puffy eyes, a killing headache and I feel sick. Not good. Other than the results in the morning, today had been probably the best day of my summer holidays I enjoyed it that much. So, you can see why I am now feeling so shit that that was ruined. UGH.
          I'm sorry I had to rant about that on here, but I've been trying to find a way to calm down all night. I would love to read my book, but I kept crying and couldn't see very well. I wanted to relax and watch telly, I have a horrible headache. I tried to do some work, but both of these problems stopped me. Until my boyfriend went to bed (he's been really tired after a long day out and jet lag) I was speaking to him but after that I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. I managed to play on my Nintendo DS for a short while but it still hurt. Then I remembered the one thing that helped me get through so much shit during high school: writing. I have a script that I've been writing so I have managed to do a tiny bit of that in between writing this. Overall, I just wanted to express myself to get it out of my system. I do feel much better now I guess. Probably going to be moody as shit in the morning, that's if I can open my eye with how puffed up they are. Take it easy I suppose. Do some EPQ work to take my mind of things. Write more of that script (which is actually for my EPQ) so at least I writing and getting things done at the same time. Thank God I've not got volunteering or actual paid work tomorrow. Need to chill out. Read some more. I've been thinking of making myself a little dance routine that I could use as a work out too so I might so that if I'm feeling better. Can't wait to go back to college now to be honest. This summer holidays has been way too long.

Actually want to blog some more soon so keep looking out for more stuff :D

Okaly, byeeeeee,
   - KC xx

Friday, 8 August 2014

Bad Dreams & Nightmares

15:09:00 0
Hey guys,

          This post is probably going to be a little more personal than usual although, given what happened last time I posted that kind of stuff on a blog, it won't be too much. After last nights sleep, I have been thinking a lot this morning about nightmare and bad dreams and what the difference is. Some people may just believe that every bad dream they have is a nightmare which in dictionary terms would probably be true since a nightmare is considered to be a 'very unpleasant dream' which is simply a bad dream but I see otherwise.
          Personally I see it as a nightmare is a dream that scares you. The dream itself will often commonly compromise of something chasing you, a near death experience, being left alone in the middle of nowhere, etc. In effect, something in which your brain has creating something similar to an alternate universe, something that won't happen in real life. These you will most commonly have as a child. Those nights when your parents run in your room because you are screaming and they have to wake you up as they panic themselves hoping that you are ok.
          As a kid I always had two nightmares that I would always remember, and still do. I was around 6 years old and I had the same nightmare multiple times but in each one I would always be the same age. The first was that my mum, dad and I went on holiday to the same hotel that we usually went to in Dominican Republic. It all started of happy and well until it felt like some time had passed and I found myself wondering around the tables and chairs that were set up near to the stage. Next thing I knew, I was shouting for my parents and literally no one was there. Nobody was left in the hotel except me. I hide under the tables, crying, hoping that my parents will come back for me. But all I hear are fearful foot steps, getting closer and closer, louder and louder, until I am forced to be completely quiet so whatever it was couldn't hear me. All I could do was hide and wait. I would silently cry until I found myself waking up in real life crying too out of shock.
          The second nightmare I always used to have involved me being given a video (yes, an actual video because it was around the time DVDs didn't exist) for my birthday of our trip to the zoo the day before, of which I had no recollection of. I would put it into my video player and sit in my high bed and watch it. My vision zoomed into the video as though I was reliving everything that had been recorded. Once again the day started off fine until all of a sudden I was left without my parents again. My grandad was around so it was ok, or so I thought. He wonders off for a short while and I feel fine sat relaxing on a patch of grass where people sit and eat their picnics outside the lions den. I start hearing those same footstep again and notice my grandad coming back towards my. Something had changed though. His head was growing bigger and bigger every minute and he had the symbol Teal'c wore on his forehead in Stargate SG-1 (don't ask, my dad used to watch it when it was one so I caught bits of it). He was coming towards me so instinctively I ran as fast as I could to the nearest shelter to hide. The closest building was the Lions den, obviously not the best idea but I still went there. You walked in and had to go down stairs, so I did. It was a wooden staircase and in between each of the stairs were little lion cubs behind glass. The big lions were enclosed behind glass on one side of the wall. I felt safer than outside. That was until I could hear the footsteps again getting closer and as soon as I heard a menacing laugh the glass cases enclosing the lions began top open and they weren't too happy that they had been locked up, not surprised really. I started getting scared again so ran up the stairs away from the angry lions and lion cubs and locked the door behind me. I ran. And I kept running. Until I came out of watching the video like I had just woken up with a shock, realised it wasn't real and tried to calm down, still sat in my high bed. There's a knock on my bedroom door and it's my Grandad, looking exactly as he did in the video. Immediately I started screaming as I knew I had know way out. I was up in my high bed after all. And so I woke up in real life just as my grandad got near me. Scary shit right?! Or at least it was when I was a kid and your brain can make you think all sort of things when you're asleep and have no control. I don't have nightmare like that anymore.
          These days I don't have those kinds of nightmares, as I was saying, I have bad dreams instead. If you know me well enough then you'll know I have incredibly weird dreams. Sometimes my mind makes up completely different worlds or simply puts two of my own together (eg. college and high school). Unlike nightmares, bad dreams you wake up from thinking that it could be real and it effects you for a short while afterwards, whereas with a nightmare, you'll wake up in shock and possibly crying, you'll wipe the tears, realised none of it can ever be real and carry on as normal. I rarely have bad dreams at all. They say eating cheese just before you go to bed can cause them but that has never been the case with me. Ok, I often have weird dreams if I eat cheese but sometimes I do that on purpose because some of my weir dreams are amusing and become funny stories to tell for a short while afterwards whilst I still remember them. Here's where it starts to get a bit more personal:
          This morning I woke up from a bad dream practically in the middle of a panic attack. The last time I remember having a bad dream as such was about six months ago during a little power nap, shortly after my boyfriend and I got together. Worst idea to fall asleep freezing cold. I woke up in shock, causing my eyes to tear up a little, after dreaming that for some reason I was going to cheat on my boyfriend, I didn't and got myself really angry and upset about because I didn't want to so I went and told him and he got mad at me, even though nothing was done and I didn't want to do anything. He broke up with me and I was left helpless and lonely. That was it. I calmed myself down and mentioned it to my boyfriend and everything was fine because none of it was real, neither of us had plans to break up with each other etc. We are still together. The bad dream, I suppose, wasn't so unexpected seen as we had recently got together and you always have a few worries , even about yourself, when you first get together.
          Last nights/this mornings bad dream was a whole lot worse. For starters, it was a whole lot more realistic. It started off not so bad but quickly turned evil. My parents were going out and asked if I had wanted to come with them so I asked if they could actually drop me off at my cousins seen as I had spoken to him in ages since our families stopped talking for reasons I am not going to go into detail about. Me and him are getting along really well, having a good ol' catch up talking about college and what's new in our life. All of a sudden my Auntie and Uncle come in and say "Oi, Kira, we've got you your present." It must have been a late Christmas or Birthday present or something. So politely I simply said "Oh right, thanks," as they threw it at me and I gave them a quick smile trying not to lose my temper. I opened it to find stack of small card with questions on them. They must have been quiz cards or something all about geography and science, most of which I knew nothing about. I didn't want to say anything because my cousin was still in the room. At some point I just got up and left, leaving the quiz cards behind, unwrapped. That section of the dream was probably the weirdest because there was no particular setting. Whether I woke up or not in between I am not sure. However the next part started getting more real. My dad had gone to bed at night and I was about the got to bed, but for some reason I was forced to sleep in my parents room. I wasn't feeling too well so my mum told me to sleep in their bed even though my dad was asleep in it. Their bed is really big enough for the three of us but she said she'd sleep in the blow-up-bed on the floor so I would have to sleep so close to my snoring dad. I started drifting off until I was hearing loud music and thumping downstairs, so I got up to see what it was. My whole family had descended in our back room and kitchen, blasting music out of the TV and throwing crisps and empty beer cans everywhere not cleaning up after themselves. The kids of the family were running round asking for more food and kicking balls around inside the house (I'm basically the only girl in my family so all the young kids are annoying little boys). All the adults were drunk. That is a nightmare in itself. I could find my mum so I went into the kitchen to get myself a drink before I started trying to sort things out, still not feeling to well. All the kids starting jumping up at me trying to get in the fridge to steal more of our food that we need. I didn't end up getting a drink. I remember trying to secretly shake the beer bottles so that if anyone got one out, it would go all over them, get what they deserve. I started trying to hide the food or at least put it high up where the kids couldn't reach it so they went and complained to their parents. I walked back into the room next to our kitchen to find my mum and told her sternly not to let anyone have anymore food. I walked into the back room and all of my family started glaring at me and I noticed my mum putting more food out on the table. She had completely ignored me. Certain members of my family then started having a go at me and for some reason I could respond. I couldn't stick up for myself, my mum was doing anything except be bossed around by everyone else. With my dad still in bed there was no one I could turn to for help. I wanted to ring my boyfriend to speak to him because I know he always make me feel better but I couldn't because he's in a different country. I couldn't even text him. I could feel my eyes start to tear up and a lump in my throat literally begin to sting until all I could do was run. I aimed to go upstairs. My dad had come down by this point and saw me begin running off. I got half way up the stairs when the door into the back room slammed so I turned around to find my dad trying to calm me down, but it was too late. I was having a serious panic attack. He grabbed hold of me and stood me up as I had fallen onto the stairs trying to catch my breath. He was trying to calm me down at least, but I couldn't and nothing he could do would calm me down. I was breathing extremely fast and so because I wasn't concentrating on anything he was saying, he smacked my rib as thought to push the air into me some how. Either way it woke me up. I literally felt like I had a heart attack. Even in real life I could catch my breath. I knew it was just a dream, not a good one mind you, but I couldn't snap myself out of it. I found myself lead in bed crying non-stop until I had no more tears for at least half and hour. Luckily I did have a message off my boyfriend so that calmed me down a little but I was still very shaken up.
          What made me think was that unlike the made up worlds that are created in weird dreams and nightmares, this was real. My family, being ignored, not being able to stick up for myself, my ribs being bashed, a complete mess, wasted food, drunken adults, not being able to contact my boyfriend at all when at times like that I know he is probably one of the only people who can cheer me up and completely distract me from getting angry or stressed out. All of which I hate for one reason or another, with a passion, and each can make me incredibly angry. And often as I get angry, I get stressed out and as I get stressed out I start panicking because there is nothing I can do about it.
          I always know that if in doubt, blogging seems to make me feel better. So I'm all good now, but it definitely took me a while to get over this one. Ah well, there you go. Done.

Soooooo ok byeeeeee :D
- KC xx